The above image, found on www.dreamstime.com , is attributed to Starush.
Refuel Your Day With Micro-Sabbaths
Rejuvenating yourself with a 10-day vacation in Hawaii is good; but refueling your day with micro-sabbaths is far better.
One of my coaching clients has been struggling with weight control. I’ll call her Nancy. Her life has been extremely busy with all the demands on her schedule coming from her children, her mother, and several important events. During the day she keeps going to try to check things off her to-do list. She never allows herself to take little breaks during the day to reward herself for what she has accomplished. At nightfall, Nancy sits down with a sigh of relief, then gets up to go to the cupboard to get bedtime snacks to reward herself for a day of busyness that has now calmed down to the stillness of the night. As I coached her, the light bulb went on – that she doesn’t have to wait till the end of the day to reward herself with a behavior that has undesirable consequences.
In the monastic tradition, the monks have Daily Offices, set times of prayer during the day. It is a time to relax, rejuvenate, and re-center. These are the daily micro-sabbaths that refuel their bodies and souls.
I would like to share a few ideas for refueling your day with micro-sabbaths:
1. Schedule at least two micro-sabbaths a day. These are micro-sabbaths in addition to your mealtimes. These micro-sabbaths don’t need to be long – about 15 minutes should be adequate.
2. Designate a location in your office or your house where you can enjoy these micro-sabbaths. This can be a special chair in your house or a spot outside your office.
3. Create a ritual that you follow each time. Incorporate some deep breathing exercises and prayers, especially prayers of gratitude to God.
4. Take stock of what you have accomplished already. Resist temptation to brow-beat yourself for what you haven’t yet accomplished. Instead, congratulate yourself for the progress you have made.
5. Write down thoughts that cause you anxiety and prevent you from relaxing. Carry a small notebook in your pocket. You can deal with these causes for anxiety later.
6. Include some refreshments that bring you calm and comfort. Try a cup of tea and a healthy snack.
7. End your micro-sabbath with a prayer for empowerment. I ask the Lord Jesus Christ to empower me to be effective for the remainder of the day – effective not just to get things done but also effective for Him.
How do you handle busynss during the day? How do you normally react to a high-demand schedule? How do you re-energize and refuel yourself during the day? What ideas can you share with us?
I help people figure out what to do with their lives, discover their purpose and calling, identify their strengths, and more effectively navigate life – something called Life Coaching. Please visit me at www.theresaipfroehlich.com
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Changes are never easy, whether they are welcome or unwelcome, anticipated or unanticipated, planned and unplanned. Life transitions almost always present challenges: challenges to our sense of self-worth, identity, stability, purpose, direction, being in control, and belonging.
This week baseball legend, Ken Griffey Jr., announced his retirement at age 40 – after beginning his career as a teenage phenomenon in 1987 and winning13 All-Star selections, 10 Gold Gloves and 630 home runs, a record very few in the baseball Hall of Fame could match.
Ken Griffey, popularly known as Junior, has taught us a few lessons about life transitions by the way he handled his retirement.
1. Face reality squarely. In baseball years, 40 is considered old. After 23 years of games and some injuries, Griffey thought that his knee and his bat were far better than they were. But once he recognized the reality, he faced it head on.
2. Refuse to rest on yesterday’s glory. He is one of the most accomplished players in baseball history, but he did not insist on the unrealistic hope of repeating yesterday’s record.
3. Accept physical limitations. He understood how our bodies cannot always do everything we want them to do. Instead of denial, he chooses to accept those physical limitations and move onto a new phase of his life.
4. Consider others. Once he realized that he could not perform at the same level that he had previously, he did not want to be a distraction to his team, taking up a roster spot while not playing. He made a very sudden announcement of his retirement and did not want a big fanfare about this because he did not want his announcement to detract from the team’s focus on winning games now. Griffey demonstrated a great deal of maturity and team spirit by putting the welfare of the team ahead of his self-interests.
5. Keep smiling. He is known for his megawatt smile. He keeps smiling after he announced his retirement.
What are some life changes you facing? How are you handling these changes? What are some difficulties? What resources of principles are you drawing on to navigate these transitions? What might be some tips you can share with others?
I help people figure out what to do with their lives, discover their purpose and calling, identify their strengths, and more effectively navigate life – something called Life Coaching. Please visit me at www.theresaipfroehlich.com
A Note About Leaving Comments
Due to the large volume of spam, I have activated the WordPress feature that requires Login in order to leave comments. I am also working on improving my site, once I have located a suitable web-designer and builder, to facilitate multi-directional conversation. I appreciate your patience. In the meantime, I continue to welcome you who would like to join in the conversation.
The above image, a free download found on www.freedigitalphotos.net, is attributed to Chris Sharp.
Mistakes To Avoid When Becoming An Empty Nester
Becoming an empty nester is a big transition in life, much bigger than I had anticipated. Navigating this transition requires many of the life skills that other life transitions – such as becoming a new parent, losing a spouse, or making a career change – employ.
It has been three years since our younger child graduated from high school and left home. In so many ways, I am still in the midst of the transition. I made some mistakes as I began to navigate this transition and I hope that this article will help you to avoid these mistakes as you become an empty-nester.
1. Lacking a transition plan. I began homeschooling both of my children when they started high school. As a result the five years prior to becoming an empty nester were entirely focused on the all-consuming job of managing their high school education. I had made no plans to ease myself into the new life, so all of a sudden I found myself in a house so quiet I could hear the pin drop and I did not know what to do with myself. In contrast, my neighbor, who is sending her youngest child off to kindergarten in just a few months, has already made plans to return to work full time so she would more easily adapt to empty nesterhood.
2. Over-rating the anticipated joy. I started bragging about how I looked forward to being an empty nester since our younger child was commencing his senior year. I was so enamored with the anticipated freedom, to do things I had not been able to do as a homeschooling mom, that I did not examine the difficulties of the transition until the full impact hit me.
3. Under-estimating the grief and pain. Becoming an empty nester also means dealing with a loss: the loss of the closeness with my child, the pain of separation, and the grief that comes from this separation process. While I did not deny the grief and pain, I grossly underestimated its emotional impact.
4. Expecting the transition to be smooth and swift. I have a Type A personality and I am very goal- oriented. In my mind, the transition should be according to my schedule. Was I ever surprised! This transition may be smooth for some, but it will never be both smooth and swift for most. In fact, some suggest that we should take as much time as it would take to let this transition run its course.
5. Holding on to my parental role. When my children graduate and leave home, they emerge as self-reliant young adults capable of taking care of themselves. I no longer need to be the caregiver and the daily living supervisor. In fact if I had made more of a shift from being a caregiver to being a coach earlier in their adolescent years, I would have found the transition more manageable and gradual.
6. Not knowing what questions to ask. Once my parenting hat is taken off, I have to figure out what hat to put on. I felt like I was a kid in a candy store and I didn’t know how to choose. It would be helpful to have a list of key questions to ask to figure out my direction in life.
7. Clinging to a narrow outlook of my world. Even though I had been in supervisory and leadership roles at work and in volunteer situations all through the years, my children had been my focus ever since they were born. It has been and continues to be a challenge for me to take my eyes off of this focus and expand my vision of the community and the world around me. As I begin exploring various opportunities for community involvement, I am more and more able to shift my focus.
8. Having poor clarity about who I am. I had this misconception that the Theresa Froehlich of 2010 would just pick up where I left off in 1988. I was very surprised to discover that I am not the same person that I was. There have been many gains and many losses. The new Theresa is not the same as the Theresa 22 years ago. I have to begin to know myself in order to find my way in the new world of the empty nester.
9. Trying to journey alone. Life is a journey not meant to be made alone. When my children initially left home, I sought solitude for the first year and I spent too much time alone. Over the last two years, I have been very grateful for several friends and fellow empty-nesters who have traveled with me. As companions on the way, we support, listen to, and pray for each other.
10. Refusing to grow up. Becoming an empty nester is a rite of passage. It is about entering a second adulthood. With each transition in life, I am called to step into a different pair of shoes. I am yet in the process of becoming “the next Theresa” God has called me to be. I must be willing to grow up, so to speak, in order to step into the next pair of shoes made for me.
How has been your experience of becoming an empty nester? What have been some dominant emotions that you experience every day? What might be some mistakes that you have made? What can you do to correct your course? What other insights could you share with us?
I help people figure out what to do with their lives, discover their purpose and calling, identify their strengths, and more effectively navigate life – something called Life Coaching. Please visit me at www.theresaipfroehlich.com
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Every human heart longs for fulfilling relationships, relationships in which we feel connected and cared for. Marriage is an opportunity for this kind of intimate relationship.
My husband and I have been married for 27 years. We came from very different backgrounds. I was born and raised in the British colony of Hong Kong by Chinese parents who did not speak a word of English. He grew up on the East Coast of the United States by Anglo-American parents who have had minimal exposure to Asia or Asians.
In the United States, more than 50% of marriages end in divorce, thus making it the country with the second highest divorce rate in the world. Brad Wilcox, Director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia, said of divorce, “It is basically a social and environmental toxin.”
This divorce statistic causes me to wonder why my marriage works in spite of the cultural differences.
1. Commitment is forever. When Hervey and I decided to get married, we made it clear to each other that divorce was not an option. Our irreversible commitment to each other has been the foundation to build trust and intimacy.
2. Put your spouse first. Marriage is not about me and my happiness. It is about working together to create a mutually fulfilling relationship. Ironically this happens only when I choose to serve my husband first; similarly my husband will find fulfillment in this relationship only if he has my best interest in mind.
3. Friendship is the foundation. Yes, my husband and I were romantically attracted to each other and that was why we decided to get married. We fell in love, as some might call it. But that was not all. We were friends with a serious commitment to build and nurture our friendship. Our friendship continues to deepen through our years of marriage.
4. For better or for worse. Tough times particularly financial hardships, have a way of driving people apart. Yet these are also the times when it is critical for husband and wife to stay together as a team. Think of a couple camping out in the cold. If they huddle close together they can survive the cold temperatures. But if they go it alone, they would not be able to survive. Toughing it out together also further deepens our trust and emotional connection.
5. Learn to talk. Many couples part ways because they have not learned to talk to each other. They have not learned to talk about their needs, their feelings, their dreams, and their ideas. I personally know several couples who divorced because one of the spouses was unable to express anger or unmet needs in a healthy and constructive way. These dissatisfied spouses just walked out of the relationship, sometimes without any prior warning, other times with just a 24-hour notice. These individuals bottled up their frustration and anger; the spouse who was left behind never knew that the other partner had a volcano inside that was ready to explode. The spouse who stayed never understood how the divorce came about and never had the opportunity to make changes. Remember this: no human being can read your mind! You must learn to talk.
6. Learn to listen. Intimacy in relationships is about listening well. When your spouse is done talking, can you repeat back what she has just said without passing judgment? Can you mirror his emotions and express empathy? I was not that good in this area when I first got married. I was so full of my own ideas that I wanted to be heard all the time. Life in general, and parenting in particular, has a way of teaching me to be a better listener. Today I still have to discipline my tongue and my attitude so I can suspend my judgmental tendencies and listen well.
7. Find your unshakable common ground. For my husband and me, our unshakable common ground is our common commitment to the Lordship of Jesus Christ. This spiritual center continues to build experiences of shared meaning for us. We worship and pray together, we lead together, and we have a community of spiritual friends.
How satisfied are you with your marriage? If you were to choose one of the above seven areas to work on, which one would you choose? What other principles can you share with others to help them make their marriage work?
I help people figure out what to do with their lives, discover their purpose and calling, identify their strengths, and more effectively navigate life – something called Life Coaching. Please visit me at www.theresaipfroehlich.com
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Due to the large volume of spam, I have activated the WordPress feature that requires Login in order to leave comments. I am also working on improving my site, once I have located a suitable web-designer and builder, to facilitate multi-directional conversation. I appreciate your patience. In the meantime, I continue to welcome you who would like to join in the conversation.
How To Live Intentionally #10:
Who I Am And Who I Am Becoming?
What do you want to be when you grow up? This is a question we ask children all the time. Yet we make some faulty assumptions when we ask this question.
1. That only children need to think about this question.
2. That the answer to this question is usually related to a career choice.
3. That we have somehow arrived at a final destination when we reach early adulthood.
I would like to challenge these assumptions one by one.
First, to live intentionally is to continually and periodically ask the question so we will continue to journey on to become the person that God has created us to be. From this perspective, we must maintain that childlike openness to growth and development.
Second, the answer to the question is not primarily or exclusively about career choice. It is about character: your relationship with God, your sense of purpose in life, how well you care for yourself, how you relate to wealth, the quality of your relationships with others, your service to others, and your readiness to learn from life and from others.
Third, we don’t ever arrive at a final destination: we continue to journey till the day we die. Early adulthood marks a milestone for physical development and legal recognition of adult responsibilities; it does not mark the termination of our personal development. I had thought that I had arrived when I got married and had children. What more development could I have expected since I had finished graduate school, I had had a career, and I had raised children? And was I ever surprised? The most significant milestones of my spiritual and personal growth took place within the last three years after I became an empty nester.
To live intentionally is, then, to live according to the core belief that life is a journey of perpetual transitions and transformation. It is to embrace the changes in life, even the hard knocks of life, as our teacher and to become the wiser, the more purposeful, the more sensitive, the more humble, and the more giving persons we are created to become.
What do you want to be when you grow up? If you were to draw a picture of the person you would like to become, what might this picture look like? What areas would you like to grow in? What resources do you need to grow?
I help people figure out what to do with their lives, discover their purpose and calling, identify their strengths, and more effectively navigate life – something called Life Coaching. Please visit me at www.theresaipfroehlich.com
A Note About Leaving Comments
Due to the large volume of spam, I have activated the WordPress feature that requires Login in order to leave comments. I am also working on improving my site, once I have located a suitable web-designer and builder, to facilitate multi-directional conversation. I appreciate your patience. In the meantime, I continue to welcome you who would like to join in the conversation.
How To Live Intentionally #9:
What About Serving Others?
The joy of intentional living comes from taking our eyes off of ourselves and serving others.
Self-centeredness almost always drives us to all kinds of self-destructive conditions: narcissism, selfishness, self-serving behaviors, self-deification, and self-delusion. When I focus my attention on my own unhappiness, discontent and dissatisfaction, I am digging a hole into the ground with a very powerful drill bit. This hole will slowly but surely become the dark pit of depression.
On the other hand, my best cure for depression is to turn my eyes to others who have needs, sometimes needs very basic to their survival. When I begin to serve those who are less fortunate than I am, less privileged than I am, and less protected than I am, I wake up. I wake up from my self-absorption to the rich blessings I may have taken for granted.
I am writing this article right after I finished watching a YouTube movie on motivation. In the movie, Dan Pink talks about the research that shows people are motivated to make a dent in the universe while not expecting to be paid for what they do. The research evidence illustrates how human beings are motivated by a transcendent purpose, a purpose larger than me and you.
To stoke my fire for service, I follow these steps.
1. Ask the question about me. What are my abilities, interests, passions and experiences?
2. Research the local and national organizations that serving a variety of causes. Which ones will be a good fit?
3. Study the strategies that the existing organizations are using and how effective they are.
4. Consider becoming a social entrepreneur if the existing organizations are not a good match. Zach Hunter, a 16-year old high school student, started the Loose Change to Loosen Chains movement to combat modern slavery. This student-led movement is spreading like wildfire.
5. Network with friends who share similar interests and passions. Share your interests and ideas and link arms with them.
Everyone has abilities, assets and resources to serve others. What are yours? Who in your network of relationships you can team up with?
I help people figure out what to do with their lives, discover their purpose and calling, identify their strengths, and more effectively navigate life – something called Life Coaching. Please visit me at www.theresaipfroehlich.com
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Due to the large volume of spam, I have activated the WordPress feature that requires Login in order to leave comments. I am also working on improving my site, once I have located a suitable web-designer and builder, to facilitate multi-directional conversation. I appreciate your patience. In the meantime, I continue to welcome you who would like to join in the conversation.
How To Live Intentionally #8:
How Important Is Learning To You?
Learning is the channel to fun, joy and satisfaction. This reward will continue if you are intentional about lifetime learning.
When I was growing up, I would not say that I enjoyed school. However I’ve always been keen at learning and observing. Later when I went to graduate business school, I discovered the joy of learning for its own sake because I was studying a subject I was passionate about and I was self- directed. This discovery has continued to fuel my hunger for learning so that I feel uncomfortable when I am not learning anything new at any given time. Lifetime learning has since become one of my core values.
These are a few practices I live by as a lifetime learner:
1. Learn from print. Read books, magazines, and journals, particularly those that are slightly out of your league.
2. Learn through technology. Use the Internet to study a subject. Read blogs and Google about a topic.
3. Learn through instruction. Take a class at a community college or other adult learning institutes.
4. Learn through research. Choose a subject and become an expert on this.
5. Learn from people. Engage in conversations with people and listen carefully.
6. Learn in organizations. Join community or national organizations and volunteer.
What part does learning play in your life, your joy and your satisfaction? What might be the missing piece of the puzzle if you are not satisfied with your life right now? How can you include learning in your daily schedule?
I help people figure out what to do with their lives, discover their purpose and calling, identify their strengths, and more effectively navigate life – something called Life Coaching. Please visit me at www.theresaipfroehlich.com
A Note About Leaving Comments
Due to the large volume of spam, I have activated the WordPress feature that requires Login in order to leave comments. I am also working on improving my site, once I have located a suitable web-designer and builder, to facilitate multi-directional conversation. I appreciate your patience. In the meantime, I continue to welcome you who would like to join in the conversation.
How To Live Intentionally #7:
How Are Your Relationships?
To live intentionally is to live relationally. Your relational health is the critical determinant of your joy in life.
Ben Stein said, “Personal relationships are the fertile soil from which all advancement… all success… all achievement in real life grows.” I have found this to be true in my life. I grew up in a poor family that could not afford any formal education for me and my siblings, but my parents continuously encouraged us to pursue the highest level of education possible. Today five of the six children in my family have undergraduate and graduate degrees. Through this relationship with my parents and siblings, though not perfect, I felt the motivation and the courage to reach for the educational moon.
In the movie The Soloist, Nathaniel Ayers was a genius cello player since a very young age. As an adolescent, the symptoms of his emerging mental illness began to devour his life. Steve Lopez, a Los Angeles Times journalist, tried to write a story about Ayers who had then become a homeless adult. While trying to interview Ayers, Lopez struck up a longstanding friendship with him. It was through this relationship that both Ayers and Lopez grew – both became more relational human beings.
Each of us has several sets of relationships that shape who we are and provide opportunities for social connections: your relationship with God, your primary relationships with your parents and siblings, your relationship with your spouse or your significant other, your relationships with your close friends, and your relationships with casual acquaintances. Here is an exercise for you to evaluate the quality of these relationships, using the following criteria:
1. Time spent. All relationships need time spent together in order to begin and to grow.
2. Trust level. Relationships are like bank accounts; you build trust by keeping promises and keeping in mind the best interests of the other person.
3. Commitment. Relationships are like an oak tree; the tree grows taller and its roots grow deeper as you commit yourself to nurture it. In relationships, longevity counts.
4. Communication. Communication is the artery that pumps blood into the heart of the relationship. Respectful, loving and honest communication pumps the blood that keeps the heart beating.
5. Authenticity. Being real and honest about who you are and how you feel, while at the same time remaining sensitive to the other person’s feelings and needs, makes it possible for two human beings to make real connections.
When you think about the different sets of relationships in your life, what might be some areas that need changes so you can enjoy more satisfaction?
I help people figure out what to do with their lives, discover their purpose and calling, identify their strengths, and more effectively navigate life – something called Life Coaching. Please visit me at www.theresaipfroehlich.com
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Due to the large volume of spam, I have activated the WordPress feature that requires Login in order to leave comments. I am also working on improving my site, once I have located a suitable web-designer and builder, to facilitate multi-directional conversation. I appreciate your patience. In the meantime, I continue to welcome you who would like to join in the conversation.
How To Live Intentionally #6:
How Do You Relate To Wealth?
When you live intentionally and develop a sound relationship to wealth, you’re more likely to experience success and satisfaction.
People relate to wealth in a variety of ways: they are slaves to money; they are obsessed with accumulating wealth; they’re careless about money; they see money as their only motivator; or they despise money so they have no interest in developing their earning power.
All of these ways of relating to money is giving it too much power over our lives or neglecting our need for money. Instead, I like to think of my relationship to wealth as stewardship. God’s calling is for me to be a responsible steward of money. As long as I live, I will always have to relate to money. The question is how I can be a responsible steward so it brings me satisfaction in life.
These are some soul-searching questions I frequently ask myself so I am in the right relationship to money.
• Is money the main and the only motivator in my decision-making?
• How can I invest my money responsibly so I can honor God?
• In what ways can I use my money to enrich other people’s lives and to serve others?
• At any given time can I honestly say that I am being a responsible steward, and not a compulsive slave, of my financial resources?
How do you relate to your wealth? What are some areas you can improve n your relationship to money? What money management advice would you give to an adolescent or young adult?
I help people figure out what to do with their lives, discover their purpose and calling, identify their strengths, and more effectively navigate life – something called Life Coaching. Please visit me at www.theresaipfroehlich.com
A Note About Leaving Comments
Due to the large volume of spam, I have activated the WordPress feature that requires Login in order to leave comments. I am also working on improving my site, once I have located a suitable web-designer and builder, to facilitate multi-directional conversation. I appreciate your patience. In the meantime, I continue to welcome you who would like to join in the conversation.
So you want to be successful and satisfied in life? The first question you must ask yourself is this: how is your health?
When people think of the word “health”, most of the time they think of physical health. But health is a much broader topic than this. When I evaluate my own health, I think of five key areas:
• physical health
• emotional health
• mental health
• spiritual health
• relational health
If you were to give yourself a satisfaction score on a scale of 1 to 10, with one being dissatisfied and ten being highly satisfied, what score would you give to each of these areas? What might be some reasons that you do not score 10 in any of these areas? What does it take for you to move closer to 10?
I help people figure out what to do with their lives, discover their purpose and calling, identify their strengths, and more effectively navigate life – something called Life Coaching. Please visit me at www.theresaipfroehlich.com
A Note About Leaving Comments
Due to the large volume of spam, I have activated the WordPress feature that requires Login in order to leave comments. I am also working on improving my site, once I have located a suitable web-designer and builder, to facilitate multi-directional conversation. I appreciate your patience. In the meantime, I continue to welcome you who would like to join in the conversation.
